hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
