ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize