Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize