Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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