Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dont even know how to be here
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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