I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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