i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dick very happy bro
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
