Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize