I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
