So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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