This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
