I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
