Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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