Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This baby is an asshole
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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