She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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