my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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