Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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