Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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