Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
