I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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