her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
