Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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