There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
