Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize