I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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