Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
