I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize