I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
