malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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