please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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