i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
