Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
