More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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