It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
