Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
