You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i dont even know how to be here
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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