Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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