Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
