your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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