and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
