he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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