Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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