he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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