I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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