Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
