It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
