it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
