some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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