Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
