is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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