4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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