it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
