If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
