I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
