12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
