Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
