Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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