made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
