dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
