I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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