I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
