in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
