I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
