so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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