My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
