Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
