We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
