I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
