just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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