She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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