what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
