oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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