i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it's like iHOP with fire
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
