Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize