pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
