I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
