Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
