I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize