I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So much rum. So many feels.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
