Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
