i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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