There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
