38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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