I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
