Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
