eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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