you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
