Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
