Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
