Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
