I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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