I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
