ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
