she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
