well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
