That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
