Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
