me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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