i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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