Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
