Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
