I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
