Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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