she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He shit in the fireplace
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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