You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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