Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
