I wish I could teleport
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
