This girl is more easily done than said...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
