just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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