I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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