She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
