You can't special order awesome
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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